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Michael Bay Taking ‘Mutant’ Out of ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Reboot?

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  • Michael Bay Taking ‘Mutant’ Out of ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Reboot?

    Michael Bay Taking ‘Mutant’ Out of ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Reboot?

    Michael Bay seems to be at it again: This time the creator of mega-blockbusters is planning to produce a new, live-action version of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." But, if he has his way, he may need to change the name to "Not So Mutant" Alien Turtles. Definitely less catchy.

    The "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" director told a crowd recently at the Nickelodeon Upfront New York event that instead of the series fans have loved about a mutant strain of turtles from earth who are obsessed with pizza and turn into two-footed creatures thanks to some transmutant goo, Bay's reptiles will simply be an alien race.

    As first called out on the blog StuffWeLike, Bay explained his vision for the 2013 remake: "When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie." Wha? And then, "The turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely loveable."

    For those a little fuzzy on these "loveable" creatures: First, it was a cartoon. Then it became a live-action film franchise in the 1990s. The original story revolves around four mutant two-footed turtles who are trained by a rat on the art of being ninjas, and are named after Renaissance artists. The four fight crime from their home base in the sewers of New York City.

    The comic book, then television show, and finally film franchise were popular in the late '80s and early '90s. It is, in short, the perfect vehicle to be mucked up by Bay. At least that's how fans reacted on Twitter and blogs.

    Illuminati tweeted, "Michael Bay is re-making Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If Michael Bay destroys this classic, he will surely be sacrificed for his mistakes."

    A fan of the "TMNT" bemoaned, "'TMNT' fans, prepare to have Michael Bay destroy your childhood the same way he's already done with mine. Three words: They are aliens." The A.V. Club opined, "Bay's willingness to reshape Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bows to no canonical authority—not even that inherent in its title."

    The blog /Film agreed, arguing, "If you're going to make a movie about mutant turtles, that's what they should be, right?" Bay will produce the movie. Jonathan Liebesman ("Wrath of the Titans") will direct.

    Fans can be on the lookout for the new, probably explosion-filled, action-packed alien version of "TMNT" that is scheduled to open December 25, 2013.

  • #2
    So, before we decide to make the safest possible movie by building on an already well established genre that has already proved its popularity, I'm going to drag the back story out into the yard and, for no logical reason whatsoever, put a bullet through its brain. That way we don't have to sit back and allow the whole reason for nearly all the characters to exist be explained away, now we can tear it into pieces and substitute it with a lukewarm turd of a plot, one that was old and hackneyed by the 1960's.

    In other news, Michael Bay has bought the rights to 'Of Mice and Men' and is planning a remake in which he has changed George to a Space Sheriff and Lennie to a beautiful, yet mentally challenged, Alien. "We were worried that children, especially incredibly f#cking stupid ones, might believe that large 1930's travelling men with the mind of a child actually exist, so we thought that telling them the characters are from outer space it would be so much easier for them to understand."
    "You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me, it's a full time job."
    – Lt. Bromhead to Prince Dabulamanzi before the Battle of Rorke's Drift.


    • #3
      Do people actually watch this chit? I won't, not even a rental.


      • #4
        My discerning film critics currently aged 7 and 8 have declared Bay's Transformers franchise to be complete garbage I guess they're both due to have him kill the Turtles as well. Why can't he just remake bad movies like Parts: The Clonus Horror? Oh wait... settled out of court for undisclosed amount with Robert Fiveson...


        • #5
          I hear he's going to make Wind in the Willows after that. Instead of turn of the century rural England it's going to be set in near future war torn New York with the infamous Weazelz in da Wild Hood gang trashing Toad Towers after Toad, the owner (and alien), is sent down for grand theft auto and cocaine trafficking. It will star Ray Winstone as Ratty, Brangelina as Mole, Bruce Willis as Badger, Simon Cowell as Toad and Tom Hanks as Spiderman.
          "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area" - UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer
          "I think they should all be topless, they're just more fun that way" - Vegascat
          "I once hit a guy in the face with a crap" - NeatPete
          "The doctor put me on a course of placebos," said the lady in the straw hat. "But I don't take them. I'm saving them all up for a mock suicide attempt."
          "Unleash a rancid potpourri of lunacy!" - Games Workshop Website.
          "I used to be Sheogorath but I took an arrow to the knee."