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Asexuals: can they be cheated on?

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  • Asexuals: can they be cheated on?

    This one caught my eye on the BBC site today, people who are completely non-sexually orientated. You can get romantic hetero- or homo- asexuals - ie, who find other people attractive and want to form relationships with them, albeit without any sex. And then you can get non-romantic asexuals who have no desire to form any form of relationship with another person beyond normal friendships. Neither type experiences any sexual desire in any shape or form. Apparently about 1% of people are like this (I think I've dated a few).

    That's random. My first thought was that it must be a hormonal deficiency or something, because it's surely not an optimum natural tendency. The species would be tough to propagate if this was the norm. Then the old cliche of 'you ain't getting the right stuff' sprang to mind. But the asexual girl in the article had the argument that you could say the same to a heterosexual person about homosexual sex - ie. try it with the right person and you might like it. Not sure I'd be up for that ... sober.

    But anyhoo, I got to talking with the wife about this and we came to an absolute impasse and a dug-in difference of opinion. I argued that if, for example, an asexual person had an adult relationship with a person equipped with a fairly standard libido, by saying that sex has no part in their relationship, the asexual partner cannot then regard sex outside of it as cheating. By choosing to omit it, it cannot be regarded as part of the relationship and thus cannot by definition be a betrayal. Obviously if one partner develops a condition, has an injury, etc.. in an ordinary relationship and is unable to have sex that is something different and must be dealt with separately.

    The wife says that sex outside of a relationship must by definition be cheating because sexual faithfulness is an integral part of it. The lines drawn, we dug in and each refused to budge.

    I hasten to add, this was a theoretical discussion, not one inspired by our own circumstances.

    What say you? Or you? Or you there lurking ... I can see you, don't think I can't.
    shanerozzell
    Banned
    Last edited by shanerozzell; 18-01-2012, 05:13 pm.
    "You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me, it's a full time job."
    Lt. Bromhead to Prince Dabulamanzi before the Battle of Rorke's Drift.

  • #2
    interesting viewpoint Cubster and I side with................your wife. Call me old fashioned (or any number of names) but a relationship should be between two people, not 1 + 1 + x number of others.

    Oh, wait. You're in Wales.......heard rumours about Wales (shudders) but never wanted to ask directly.
    "I lOVE your attitude Wag - painting for the hell of it, because you want to - one of the best things I did was invite you over here as to me you invoke the wamp spirit perfectly." - thankyou DL !

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    • #3
      errr....... I only came here to find out a recipe skin tones.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by waghorn41 View Post
        interesting viewpoint Cubster and I side with................your wife. Call me old fashioned (or any number of names) but a relationship should be between two people, not 1 + 1 + x number of others.
        Exactly. But, an adult relationship usually also involves physical intimacy at some stage, so should one partner be able to deny the other a release for their normal sexual urges? Sure, they each have a choice, but I still feel it's emotional blackmail. If one partner gets massages somewhere else because the other partner doesn't want to give them, is that also cheating?

        My argument is that the asexual partner in the relationship changes its nature from a normal sexual one by their own preferences and thus sex is not included. If it isn't included, how can it be regarded as cheating if someone else provides this basic need to the other partner?

        Still, I've yet to meet the woman who can resist the old shadow-puppet on the ceiling show, with the aid of a torch and some imaginative manipulations.
        "You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me, it's a full time job."
        Lt. Bromhead to Prince Dabulamanzi before the Battle of Rorke's Drift.

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        • #5
          I have to agree wth your wife, as both parties would know the situation before entering the relationship, so any sex outside the relationship would be considered cheating. Though it does perplex me sometimes what people consider isn't cheating...straying from any relationship and forming an intimate relationship with another person, weather there is sex involved or not is a form of cheating....You can have a friend of the opposite sex, but when that friendship impacts of the relationship, becasue yopu are spending more time with them, sharing inner secrets etc that you only do with your partner normally then its cheating. So in this case, looking outside of the relationship would be cheating. Both parties involved would have known about the issue before becoming involved. If the person became asexual during the relationship, then the other partner would have to consider staying or leaving, not look elsewhere. If they stay then they accept taht there will be no sex, they don't look elsewhere as that's a betrayal.

          My own ex wife was going out for dinner, cinema etc with a single guy and didn't consider that cheating, the old addage we're just friends....people seem to think sex needs to be involved for it to be classed as cheating.....

          I'm old fashioned and wouldn't even think about cheating never mind actually committing the crime....always treat people how would like to be treated yourself, cause what goes around comes around.
          http://musketswordpaint.wordpress.com/
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          Ryan Dancey, Vice President of Wizards of the Coast, believed that TSR failed because of "...a near total inability to listen to its customers, hear what they were saying, and make changes to make those customers happy."

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          • #6
            I changed the title of this so people don't make the same mistake I did and walk in on a row between Cubbie and his better half

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            • #7
              You people are all wrong, I have proof.

              My missus will be pleased to hear you agree with her however.
              "You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me, it's a full time job."
              Lt. Bromhead to Prince Dabulamanzi before the Battle of Rorke's Drift.

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              • #8
                what proof....can't just say you have proof and not mention it....lol
                warhammergrimace
                Last edited by warhammergrimace; 18-01-2012, 05:59 pm.
                http://musketswordpaint.wordpress.com/
                http://irregular-magazine.com
                http://warhammergrimace.wordpress.com/
                http://paper.li/jbhubbard

                Ryan Dancey, Vice President of Wizards of the Coast, believed that TSR failed because of "...a near total inability to listen to its customers, hear what they were saying, and make changes to make those customers happy."

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                • #9
                  It's somewhere in the loft, possibly on the roof, I'll get it down some other time.

                  If I remember.

                  And I'm not too busy.

                  It's tricky to describe really, just sort of proofy.
                  "You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me, it's a full time job."
                  Lt. Bromhead to Prince Dabulamanzi before the Battle of Rorke's Drift.

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                  • #10
                    Besides I dont think there can be proof in such a case as its really up to the individual or couple to decide this.
                    THough I do think that it easily go ethier way. Whil eI agree with Warhammergrimace that emotional cheating as such exists. Sex doesnt necessarily mean an emotional connection. PLus if sex isnt intergral to the relationship then really it could go either way. It would really be up to the couple involved. Hard to put yourself in that poistion as its not something I can really wrap my head around.
                    Last edited by Noddwyr; 18-01-2012, 06:10 pm.
                    http://noddwyr.wordpress.com/

                    The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
                    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

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                    • #11
                      Here is how a typical relationship like the above mentioned by cubster should go IMO:

                      Person one and person two have a good long chat about this situation. If the relationship does not involve sex, and an agreement is made that the person who wants sex can find a seperate partner for that, and only that, then that is a good and happy medium that was agreed upon. If this is not agreed upon, then this should not be persued or the relationship should be terminated.

                      Believe it or not, the first occurance is not as rare a thing as you may think. I have heard of someone marrying someone else because they love them for reasons outside of sex, and they raise a family, but after a while each agree that while they love each other there is no sex appeal and each happily agree to pursue sexual relations outside the norm. The kids don't know, as both parents keep the lids shut yet still come home with smiles on faces and somehow it works out.

                      Course, going behind the back is cheating no matter how you slice it.
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                      • #12
                        "open marrage" .......... now where the "Newt" have I heard that before ???????? ;D
                        Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says " oh crap....she's awake!~

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