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Thread: Laugh

      
   
  1. #21
    Enlightened Wamp wiccanpony's Avatar
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    > 30 Good Lines
    > -------------------------
    >
    > 1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
    > -He thought he was God and I didn't.
    >
    > 2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
    >
    > 3. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
    >
    > 4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
    >
    > 5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
    >
    > 6. Don't take life too seriously--no one gets out alive.
    >
    > 7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
    >
    > 8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
    >
    > 9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
    >
    > 10. I'm not a complete idiot -- some parts are missing.
    >
    > 11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
    >
    > 12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
    > medicine.
    >
    > 13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
    >
    > 14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
    >
    > 15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
    >
    > 16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
    >
    > 17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
    >
    > 18. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
    >
    > 19. Procrastinate now!
    >
    > 20. I have a degree in Liberal Arts; do you want fries with that?
    >
    > 21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    >
    > 22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
    >
    > 23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
    >
    > 24. They call it PMS because Mad-Cow Disease was already taken.
    >
    > 25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
    >
    > 26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand
    > times the memory.
    >
    > 27. Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
    > pig.
    >
    > 28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
    >
    > 29. The original point-and-click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
    >
    > 30. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
    >
    Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says " oh crap....she's awake!~

  2. #22

    Wamp Incarnate
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    i love the ham and eggs one
    Available for Commissions Like my Facebook Page: Brett Johnson Designs

    Shop at the Wampstore Wamp Corporate

  3. #23
    whats black and white and red, black and white and red, black and white and red?










    a nun with a knife rolling down a hill.

  4. #24

    Wamp Incarnate
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    a penguin sunburn clinic?
    Available for Commissions Like my Facebook Page: Brett Johnson Designs

    Shop at the Wampstore Wamp Corporate

  5. #25
    Enlightened Wamp wiccanpony's Avatar
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    > -------------------------
    > Quotes by Women
    > -------------------------
    >
    > Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened. (Cora Harvey Armstrong)
    >
    > The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. (Helen Hayes)
    >
    > I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. (Janette Barber)
    >
    > Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. (Lily Tomlin)
    >
    > A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. (Carrie Snow)
    >
    > Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. (Laurie Kuslansky)
    >
    > My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. (Erma Bombeck)
    >
    > Old age ain't no place for sissies. (Bette Davis)
    >
    > A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. (Rhonda Hansome)
    >
    > The phrase "working mother" is redundant. (Jane Sellman)
    >
    > Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. (Jennifer Unlimited)
    >
    > Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (Charlotte Whitton)
    >
    > Thirty five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. (Caryn Leschen)
    >
    > I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)
    >
    > If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. (Catherine)
    >
    > When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! (Kathy Buckley)
    >
    > I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb .. and I'm also not blonde. (Dolly Parton)
    >
    > If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. (Sue Grafton)
    >
    > I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. (Roseanne Barr)
    >
    > When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. (Elayne Boosler)
    >
    > Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. (Maryon Pearson)
    >
    > In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man) if you want anything done, ask a woman. (Margaret Thatcher)
    >
    > I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. (Gloria Steinem)
    >
    > I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
    >
    > Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
    >
    > Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the b*tch up with cookies. (unknown)
    >
    Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says " oh crap....she's awake!~

  6. #26

    Wamp Guru
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    These lists really brighten my day, keep them coming Donna.

  7. #27
    I like to French Kiss Racoons
    Wamp Apostle
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    What did the father at the beach say to Michael Jackson? "Hey your in my son!"


    What do Walmart and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have boys pants half off.

  8. #28
    Enlightened Wamp Boris's Avatar
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    Involuntary Muscular Contractions
    A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on
    'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
    He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
    She replied, 'Probably fishing with his mates.'

    It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.....
    "Resin...I think I just threw up a little" - ARG
    I have not bought a miniature since Nov 2010.

  9. #29
    Enlightened Wamp wiccanpony's Avatar
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    yes kiddies I'm in one of my "moods"......bring me Wag dipped in chocolate and no one need be hurt



    Things stressed women say @ work

    1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Un**** you.

    2. You say I'm a b.i.t.c.h like it's a bad thing.

    3. Well this day was a total waste of make up

    4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?

    5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.

    6. Do I look like a people person?

    7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

    8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

    9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

    10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?

    11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

    12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

    13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

    14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

    15. Stress is what you have when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.

    16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.

    17. Don't worry, I forgot your name too.

    18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.

    19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

    20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

    21. Chaos, panic and disorder...my work here is done.

    22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

    23. You look like s.h.i.t. Is that the style now?

    24. Earth is full. Go home.

    25. Aw, did I step on our poor little itty bitty ego?

    26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

    27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

    28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.

    29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

    30. Look in my eyes...do you see one ounce of gives-a-s.h.i.t?

  10. #30

    Wamp Guru
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    Quote Originally Posted by wiccanpony
    yes kiddies I'm in one of my "moods"......bring me Wag dipped in chocolate and no one need be hurt
    hey, it's your turn to be dipped in chocolate

    mmmmmmmm, chocoloate coated Donna, now where's that plane ticket...

 

 
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