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MonkeyShaman

The requisite off-topic rant

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Before I begin, I still have a post to tidy (will probably happen between 'after Mrs MonkeyShaman comes home' and three am) been a bit busy. So just don't look at it.

Anyway, you know how it is when people hang around on a forum for x amount of time and investing a large percentage of their life in an isolated place things kind of sneak past, like major off topic rants that forever shape the opinion about that single indiviual. Here's mine:

So a couple of weeks ago Spotify announced that the major record labels of america wants everyone to pay for spotify before enabling spotify with required premium account usage in america.

I can see how that meeting went:

Spotify Sales Executive(henceforth SSE):
-We have a service that makes people pay for music they listen to without signing any actual agreements, as well as make them listen to a thirty second salespitch every three songs or so.

Major Label Sales Executive(henceforth MLSE):
-U-hu, that sounds like free money.

SSE:
-Basically yes it is not high yeilding mind you but it does provide a consistent influx of money without really having to do anything, that as well as providing a higher return rate than radio as users don't have to listen to an asshat banter for half an hour about tits before getting to hear the music they almost would like to hear, you know, if they were stupid like.

MLSE:
-So your entire concept is based on people listening to whatever they want and giving us money by way of least resistance thereby providing a sustainable income for years to come?

SSE:
-basically, although I must admit I've done a terrible job at providing sales figures as I have a weakness for boiled hotdogs.

MLSE:
-boiled hotdogs?

SSE:
-Yes, I've actually sought out the most dubious of small companies that can only pay me in boiled hotdogs...See they boil them pour on the mustard stick them in a bun and send them by ground mail in units of ten at a time.

MLSE:
-Well we also like boiled hotdogs that's spent weeks in the back of a truck getting the crispy bun all moist and perhaps a bit mouldy so thats fine.
But isn't there any way to create a bit more resistance in the process as we only really make money distributing realworld properties bought at discount prices printed on electronic hardware.

SSE:
-Well I haven't actually been to a proper business school, to tell you the truth I fail at math forever, the only reason I can sell this idea for hotdogs is the nerds that invented it that I've got locked up in the basement.

MLSE:
-Don't worry about that, we don't know math either that's why we were able to crash the world into yet another depression, to bad that there were so many nobel prize winners who weren't americans or we would be sitting in a cave right now.

SSE:
- OHMYGODCAMPINGISSOCOOL

MLSE:
- IKNOW!

MLSE:
-So how about we get every single user to pay for services rendered twice.

SSE:
-Well that would mean, that instead of one hotdog I would have two?

MLSE:
-Well technically I would have two, that is until people get tired of paying for giving americans the chance to pay for music who for the most part still download whatever the hell they want without major reprocussions.

SSE:
-So that is like, I mean if I were to explain this to a wargamer or give this transcript eligebility on a wargamer forum, it would be like if people who played warhammer started paying more per unit so that for example new line cinema could make more prints of LOTRs on dvd and or blue ray that people would pay for anyway?

MLSE:
-Exactly!

SSE:
-Wow, I mean at first I though I had a really great idea, one that was actually a bit altruistic. like curing aids without inventing it.

MLSE:
- Yeah it sucked big time, but if we do it our way we can use the viral spead of Spotify to give people aids and then paying for it twice.

SSE:
- Thereby making people give up on it instead of continuing to use it on the merit of least resistance as a means to save space and money while still geting the cultural nourishment they need to develop new ideas and eventually further society?

MLSE:
-It's the new american way not to be confused with Old world european cultural imperialism or Fascism




Disclaimer:
any lack in spelling and punctiation is merely a flavour addative in your everyday run of the mill rant and reflects on the quality of rage of the rant rather than the stupidity of the hypothetical executives who probably are smart enough to want to make money really really fast and retire early.
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