View Full Version : 'My Story' the reason behind the campaign

09-11-2009, 07:16 PM
This year our charity event at Wamp has a personal involvement for myself. Its not something that I talk about much but I feel I should in this instance. Hopefully it will explain the choice of charity and why I am so determined to make this event a success.

My wife and I are blessed to have two beautiful young daughters who fill our lives with happiness but our journey to become parents was tinged with sadness.
Our eldest is 4 years but she wasn't our first pregnancy.
Nervously as potential parents we began trying to conceive and within a short space of time my wife sat me down and told me the news - she was pregnant.
I'll be honest I was a bit shocked and very nervous but also very excited; thoughts come into your mind - teaching a son to play football, protecting your daughter from boys!! Life was good, for a while....but then a few days later she told me she was bleeding and my heart sank, but I concentrated on getting her to hospital where they rushed her into surgery suspecting an ectopic pregnancy. They had to remove her Fallopian tube, and instantly our chances for conceiving were down 50%. It turned out it was a benign tumor but to be honest that was masked by the pain of losing the baby. It was easy for me to try and stay strong. my wife needed caring for after her operation and support as she begun to blame herself. It wasn't until a few days later it really hit me, when I found some baby booties someone had bought, sat down and cried, my emotions pouring out after been held in.

Eventually we carried on with life and after a short period fell pregnant again. A little more trepidation this time but quietly confident the miscarriage was an awful event but unlikely to happen again. So we went for the first scan and things looked fine,it was so exciting taking home the scan picture, thoughts of our earlier sadness dissipated and we had a second scan a couple of weeks after due to the first pregnancy and its complications.
This time there was a problem - there was no growth, our hearts once again sank, I tried to convince my wife that things would be fine - I tried to convince myself. We had to go back a week later for another scan - no more growth - we both knew what had happened. And then a week later to double check but we knew before we even looked at the screen. One of the most heartbreaking things either of us had ever experienced was about to get worse. We had to have a medical miscarriage, meaning my wife had to have a tablet to induce her to bleed the fetus out. Although we knew the baby was gone it felt like we were killing it, what if the scans were wrong? My wife took the tablet with tears in her eyes, after this tablet she had to go through a D&C (a surgical procedure to remove any further embryo)
She was due to return the next day to take a secondary tablet at hospital but that never happened. That very night had to work and I received a call from my wife - it turned out she was the 1 in 1000 women that would bleed to much from this tablet. I rushed her to hospital and she had emergency surgery. It just seemed to be one thing after another and I wasn't sure I could go through another attempt.
But we did and finally we were rewarded with a beautiful healthy daughter who helped ease the pain. She became our life and brought so much happiness to us.
A couple of years later we decided to try for a sibling for your daughter. I was scared to death but we went ahead. Sadly my fear was realised and again the bleeding occurred.
My wife's mind became even more fragile as did my own, this time it was harder for two reasons: firstly we had the belief that after our daughter was born we had returned to normal, after all having a miscarriage is a 1 on 4 chance having 2 was even less - let alone 3 miscarriages. Secondly we now had a daughter, we would often look at her and wonder about the other babies, what would they have looked like, what if our daughter had not survived,?, its easy for an emotional mind to race.
My wife became convinced it was her that was at fault - her body couldn't carry boys she thought , maybe her hormones weren't high enough, trying again was terrifying but we agreed to have another go.
As my wife had suffered 3 miscarriages they agreed to investigate - they did scans and things but everything showed up normal. I remember the doctor saying 'its just one of those things that happens - bad luck' hearing those words cut through us like a knife.
And so we conceived for a fifth time scared to death of what would happen and yes it happened again - more bleeding and another surgical procedure.
How we got through I don't know, well actually I do know - Our daughter got us through it - unknowingly, but what we needed.

We did somehow find the willpower to keep trying and the next conception occurred. Waiting to see the scan was nerve-wracking to say the least, twice before it was at these scans that our dreams were crushed so to see the fetus healthy was so joyous. And a few months later our second daughter was born fit and well and our lives are filled with happiness. When I'm feeling sad one smile from one of my girls can full my heart with joy.

So I suppose the story has a happy ending but as I sit here and type this my heart is filled with sadness as I remember those difficult times and what those four lost babies may have become. We plan to try for another child in the future, and it scares me to death to think of what might happen. But then I look at my daughter who's sitting on my knee as I type this and think it is worth it to try, but even her sweet innocent love isn't stopping a tear run down my face as I tell you my story.

There are always tears involved with pregnancy, tears of joy and tears of sorrow,if we change even one couples tears of sorrow into tears of joy it will be worth it. We were lucky, despite the pain we went through (and the wife even more so) we have two lovely children, other people are not so lucky. Our losses were early pregnancy - If it hurts this much losing one at that stage I can imagine the pain of losing one at say 6 months or still born.
1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage - there's a good chance that many of you have or will experience one or some one you know has
That is why we need your support

Thank you for taking the time to read this but I hope it explains the meaning behind this campaign